ça va bien…

person: Hello!!! How are you feeling?!?

me: Hello, In what regards?

person: Overall…Your health…how are you feeling about your mom moving..

I had the above exchange a few days ago.  It always intrigues me when people ask how I’m doing out of nowhere. I never answered the person because, (well in all honesty I suck at texting people back) but I was caught off guard. I don’t really like having those types of conversations with people who are just asking to ask and don’t really care. especially over text. it just doesn’t seem genuine to me. I have observed the most interesting thing the last few months, where someone will be greeting a group of people and ask “hows it going?” or  “how are you?” to every single person in the group. And I have seen over and over again with different people asking, that completely ignore the answer. It blows me away at how many people do that. And more over, it bothers me. I hate when people are not genuine when asking how you are. If you really cared you would wait more than 10 seconds to ask the next person the same thing and wouldn’t miss the answer. And in my opinion you would keep up with whats going on. And I’m not truing to be rude to the person that texted me, if they’re reading this. I just want this to be something to open peoples minds to asking the question “How are you?”

It’s a really loaded question. Especially when you’re not ok, or haven’t been ok. Just be sensitive to people and read the persons body language. and if you don’t think you’re good at reading body language I highly recommend reading the book called, Blink: the power of thinking. Just think to yourself before asking, “do I have the time to listen if this person needs it”

So, on that note. I’ll answer the question above as if I was texting the person back.

Overall.. like today or on average? my health..uhh mostly frustrated.  about my mom moving..it changes daily.

I feel like that all might sound sarcastic but in my opinion (again) Im tired of people not being real. So I’m trying to be as real as possible. Some days I wake up feeling like crap but I have to make a decision on how I’m going to feel mentally. When my chiropractor asked me how I was the other day I blew it off and said “ehh I’m ok” he paused and said “no, really how are you?” WOW. thank you jesus for that because I was having a great day and I wanted to tell someone about it. I told him “well every day is a struggle with the pain and everything but I have to chose joy.” Some days I wake up feeling like crap and chose joy, other days I wake up feeling like crap and I chose to let frustration take over my thoughts. Some days I wake up feeling great, though rare, I either chose to feel good, or I get confused and depressed as to why I feel ok, I assume that sounds crazy to you but I’ve somewhat gotten used to the pain and exhaustion so when I feel good I get kind of scared.

What ever is going on in my body is still a mystery to every doctor I’ve been to. I have been trying to eat food and deal with the pain, I am currently eating a cake donut covered in chocolate frosting and rainbow sprinkles, and by eating I mean I took a bite and and am waiting for the pain. I usually eat one solid meal a day so I get some kind of nutrients. and the other meals are usually some form of liquid, like a smoothie or pureed vegetables in soup.

I think I covered how I feel overall, it changes everyday depending on a lot of things. And about my mom moving, it changes constantly throughout each day. Right now I feel excited. Wait let me back up a little bit. Last week I was a total mess about them moving because I felt like I was being abandoned, left behind and not thought about. I was right about the last of those things. My mom hadn’t thought about what would happen to me. We had a short talk about how I was feeling and about some different options. So now I am a little excited because it is looking more like I am moving too. But probably not with them. They are moving to Idaho and Im not sure how I feel about that place so Ive been looking into the the surrounding areas, Like Spokane or Canada or somewhere in Washington, I don’t know yet.

With all my down time I have been doing a ton of thinking about what Im supposed to be doing with my life and it seems more and more like I need to be in the communication field. I love helping people with their mental illnesses because of all that I’ve been through. My latest dream is to start a group of young adult girls like myself called “Je Suis”  in french it means “I am” I want to help other girls feel strong mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, and to love themselves and be able to not just overcome their trials but to come out of them stronger. I want them to feel powerful, like they can do anything. so the Je suis starts the sentence  but each time we would do something together it would finish the sentence.

a plus tard

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