23 and 364 days

My birthday is tomorrow and I currently feel like crying. 

All I want right now is for my moms husband to have a heart towards “family” and yes that includes the dogs. AND himself. 

It wrecks my soul and breaks my heart that he can’t see all the suffering the dogs have been enduring with the crap food they get and the hardly existant walks and exercise. These poor dogs could live such a better life if he just understood what he was doing to them. And maybe he does know and he just doesn’t care. I really have no idea because he doesn’t communicate well. 

I mentioned that he doesn’t have a heart towards himself, I could be very wrong but from my perspective he doesn’t care what he’s doing to himself. He eats constantly. All day long. And over eats. His portions are way out of control and his view of healthy food is skewed beyond belief. He won’t exercise because he says he doesn’t need it, he says he’s strong enough. But that’s not what it’s about! It’s about making sure your body is all working together properly to be the best you can be. I just don’t know how to explain what I see everyday. 

My heart breaks for my mom because she sees it happening and unfortunately it’s like she’s being brainwashed into not caring either. She knows what’s right but she won’t fight for it. 

I wasn’t taught to stand back and watch things fall apart. I was taught by my mother to fight for what you’re passionate about. I’m trying but Lord knows I have no idea how to tackle this one. Someone who thinks they know it all. It’s impossible to even begin to try to teach someone who thinks they know it all. The person has to admit they don’t and be willing to learn. 

In my opinion, He just thinks there’s nothing to learn from a child, (yes, in his eyes Im still a child, in some ways yes I have a lot to learn but by no means am I a child.) It is beyond difficult to get things through to him. 

They keep asking me what I want for my birthday, I just want my hospital bills paid off so I don’t have to worry about that when we move to a new state (literally and figuratively) in 6 days. 

Im passionate about dogs, and health, and dogs health, and mental stability AND LORD WHAT ARE YOU CALLING ME TO DO HERE? WHAT IS YOUR PLAN FOR ME? I feel so lost this moment. Lord help me hear you, I need you desperately. 


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